There is a curse that comes with experience. The curse comes from seeing all too clearly, and often before anybody else does, when something is wrong. The curse is not in the seeing. The seeing is good. The curse comes about when you try to give feedback to others to fix it.

People reflexively resent and resist correction, even when they know it is right and good. They chafe against it even when you offer it with the best intentions. This begins in childhood and somewhat ironically, as adults we resent correction even more because we know so much.

The Challenge

There is always a danger that when you start telling people what to do and how they should do it, they will shut down. Your title does not protect you from this. Your facts and data are not much help, either. And being right . . .

So how do you, as someone who sees clearly how to get things done, communicate with Executive Presence? In other words, how do you do this in a way that people want your advice and are eager to follow it?

The Shift

A leader’s powerful perspective can be a double-edged sword. When you tell someone what "you" would do, this doesn't resonate as strongly as them understanding what "they" would do.

The next time you find yourself needing to deliver performance feedback, instead of telling them what you would do, help them discover what they would by taking the following steps:

Step 1. Artfully make them aware of the less than ideal state of performance.

This means instead of criticizing (e.g., You are doing it the wrong way), ask a question or make a statement that leads them to realize that things could be better (e.g., Is this going as well as you expected? or This way seems more complicated than how it's been done before). The goal is for them to genuinely realize that there is a need for improvement.

Step 2. Turn them toward the right direction with a goal-oriented reminder or question.

People are much more willing to learn when they remain focused on the overall shared goal. Instead of telling them how what they are doing is wrong, give a reminder or ask a question to put the focus on the goal, not the process. For example, "We want to make sure this is done by the deadline so our client is happy" or "Tell me, in your opinion, what is the benefit or importance of meeting this deadline?" The goal is for them to focus on the desired end state.

Step 3. Offer for them to recommend a course of action.

Nothing demotivates people on a task more than taking away their power and autonomy. When you tell someone they are doing it wrong and they should do it your way, this is the underlying dynamic. It's not about what way is right, it's about getting buy-in. Instead of telling people the "right" way (i.e., your way) of completing a task, ask them to recommend a course of action that will put the task back on track so the goal is met.

Step 4. If they don’t have a good recommendation, ask them if they would like you to offer your recommendation.

The shift is subtle, but powerful. This is the difference between leading with Executive Presence and leading without it. The more effective leader maneuvers themself so the person is asking for their feedback. The less effective leader attempts to maneuver the person and pushes them to do it a certain way because they have the authority to do so.

By "effective" I mean being a leader with Executive Presence that others want to follow.

I don't mean getting the task done. You can get the task done both ways for sure, but one compromises quality and damages future interactions. If you force a person to comply, chances are that's all they will do now, and in the future — the minimum required. They will turn off their brain. Not because they don't care or aren’t capable, but because you have created a disincentive for them to think and care.

Is providing performance feedback with Executive Presence easier than just telling someone what to do? No.

Is it a requirement of your job? Of course not!

Will it help you get the best results and create a reputation as a leader with Executive Presence? Absolutely!

The choice is yours. It’s always yours. See what I did there?

Remember, your Executive Presence sets the ceiling of your success.

Learn more

This article was adapted from the new leadership book, Unlock Your Executive Presence: Feel like a Boss. Find it here, along with other books from the Unlock Your Leadership series.

Joe Kwon, the Connection Counselor is a leadership coach and keynote speaker who helps elevate careers by unlocking the ability to better connect with yourself and others.

Contact him if you'd like his help.

To find out more and to access free leadership videos, podcasts, and guides, go to www.connectioncounselor.com.