"If you obey all the rules, you will miss all the fun."    -Katharine Hepburn

Rules. We all need them, but we naturally bristle against them. Even, or perhaps especially, against the rules we set for ourselves. And let's be honest, we take a certain joy from breaking rules. It's in our DNA.

So, instead of denying this part of ourselves, how about using it to our advantage? I recently discovered that breaking rules can be an aid in developing a new habit.

Everyone has a good habit that they want to adopt. Intellectually, we know it is good for us. But for some reason, we get stuck in a loop with bad habits that deliver short-term gratification, but are long-term losers. And the best we ever seem to be able to achieve are glorious, but short-lived stints with the good habit. It doesn't have to be that way.

For example, I recently set a goal for myself to meditate for 30 days straight so I could develop this as a habit instead of picking it up for a few days and then dropping it as I had in the past. BEFORE you stop reading, I promise I will not spend a single syllable on telling you how great meditation is and how it will improve the quality of your life. It just happened to be the habit I was trying to develop. In your mind, replace "meditate" with exercise, read, or even call your mother. 

And since so many people have a visceral, negative reaction to the word meditate, I will no longer use the word after this period. Instead, I will replace it with a word has a special history of being banned, but not contained - dance! Cue Footloose music.

I'm happy to report I succeeded in dancing at least once a day for 30 days. I did this, and so can you, by setting certain rules and then, strategically breaking them from time to time. So let's begin.

EZPZ rules for Habit Formation

Rule #1. Set an ideal time.

What would be the best time for you to dance? Morning or evening? When do you have the least distractions? When do you have the most free time, the most energy or the most focus? Now set the same time each day to dance and do it.

How to break it.

The time you set for yourself is the best time, but try to dance as early in the day as possible. From time to time, we all stumble upon some unplanned extra time. Instead of using it to watch HBO Now or Netflix (my own cross to bear), use it to get a jump start on keeping your commitment for the day. This makes it less likely that distractions and unplanned events will prevent you from completing your dance session at your designated time or before 24 hours runs out.

Rule #2. Be protective of your time and prioritize your own needs over other commitments.

Regardless of the intention, the people in our lives can often be a barrier to our successfully developing a new habit. You should plan for this and where possible, avoid a direct conflict by setting your times to dance when others are not seeking your time. And where that is not possible, you should stay committed to your time and be firm that you will be available as soon as possible, just not at that time.

How to break it.

Keeping your dance time too sacred, regardless of the varying needs of others is a sure-fire way to lose friends and have everyone rooting for you to fail. Where appropriate, be flexible and show that you value the time that others want from you and prioritize your friends and family. You can stop for a few minutes or even reschedule your dancing for later. This will earn you credit, and perhaps more importantly, support down the line.

Rule #3. Set your threshold for completion.

How many minutes or repetitions do you want to do in a day? What amount of time do you need to even make it worth it? Based on your level of mental or physical fitness, your schedule and your intuition, pick a number and stick to it. The key is to maintain a chain throughout 30 days while you are establishing your new habit.

How to break it.

The period when you are forming a new habit is like riding a bike uphill. As soon as you stop pedaling, you lose momentum and balance and cannot continue. Going faster makes things easier, but as long as you are pedaling, even just a bit, the bike keeps moving. That is why doing even 1/10 of your planned commitment on a busy day is better than nothing at all. We all have had an experience where one missed day spiraled into total loss of momentum and failure. So go ahead and do what you can and try for better the next day. Don't fall into the trap of "I shouldn't even bother unless I have a clear x minutes available."

Once your habit has been formed, it's like riding a bike downhill. It happens more easily, 10 minutes starts to feel like 5, and you activate autopilot so that missing a day doesn't jeopardize your commitment in the same way it might have in the beginning.

Rule #4. If you miss a day, restart the count.

The goal is to have a continuous string of 30 days where you do the desired activity at least once a day so a habit starts to form. If you are not counting, it's easy to lose track and skipping one day becomes 3 days or more. Having a continuous string of 30 days will help solidify your habit for the long term.

How to break it.

Give yourself a bye. Either by design or chance, when there is an extra slot in a playoff, the best team often gets a bye or a free pass to the next round. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that since you are trying to better yourself here, that's pretty amazing. So give yourself a bye and don't let one slip up send you back to the beginning or spiraling into the depths of self-pity. Just pretend like you succeeded and make sure you get back with the program the next day. Be as gracious with yourself as you would be with others. You deserve it.

Now that you have these EZPZ rules and helpful ways to break them, go forth and in the immortal words of Kenny Loggins, "Cut loose, Footloose!"

In a previous post, "The Tech That Saved Our Marriage," I talked about the solution for my snoring that enabled my wife to get a good night's sleep and prevented me from becoming a punching bag at night. I'm no neuroscientist, but it's interesting to me how in certain states we are more susceptible to noticing (and being annoyed) by sounds.

In the thankfully rare situations where I experience insomnia, I can hear every tick-tock of the clock and the hum of the air conditioner is a jet engine. When I was in school studying for finals, other's laptop keys sounded like spiteful castanets. Today, whether at work or home, the challenge is creating a cone of silence for when I need to do deeper or more creative thinking.

Here are some EZPZ silence solutions I recommend.

1. Headphones. Let's start with the most common and obvious one. Pump in some music (for me, music without words) and you are good to go. Use sparingly to protect your hearing and to not tune out too much. 

2. Move it! When faced with an unrelenting force like a spirited child or raucous co-workers, sometimes the best move is to actually move somewhere else for a bit. Your car, a coffee shop, a conference room or any other convenient destination.

3. Switch it! If you know the noisy condition is temporary and you have the option, switch to a task that you can do in spite of the noise or perhaps one that is enhanced by the noise. 

Finally, you could always opt for the approach taken by Charlie's father in So I Married an Axe Murderer, "SHUT IT!" I think the scenarios where this works in the long run are few, no matter what your role, but just wanted to mention it.

Happy Concentrating! 

I am suffering from some serious Game of Thrones withdrawal. This speech by Littlefinger reminds me of a great piece of advice I received long ago from a Third Circuit judge. My summer job was in Trenton interning for a N.J. District court judge and she arranged for us to have lunch with her colleague. This gentleman left quite an impression on the four first-year law students. He could still remember the most minute details of cases he had decided years before like the name of the witness' dog. We were just soaking in his stories and bits of wisdom. But it was his parting words that left the biggest impression. 

He said he understood that we were all ambitious and wanted to advance our careers. And he knew that we would have battles along the way and would sometimes have to push others down as we climbed the ladder. But he reminded us the legal community is small and that sometimes you will find your positions reversed, so never screw anybody extra.