Let's go ahead and get this out of the way. I'm not a huge fan of video conferencing.

In most instances, just getting it to work is like a sadistic game of IT Twister. The scale of the participants makes you feel like you've landed in Lilliput or Brobdingnag. It's less effective than meeting in person and not much better than a conference call. Okay, now that I've gotten that off my chest, I must confess it doesn't have to be that way. Allow me to explain.

At certain KPMG locations we have video conferencing rooms that are designed specifically to work with a twin room in another location. I'm not talking about a really nice monitor or multiple speakers. This is video conferencing on steroids.

You sit on one side of a long, rectangular table that fits about 8 people. As you look across the table, you see a row of monitors as long as the table, with the life-size images of the people in the other room. If you look diagonally across the table at Jamie, it will appear to Jamie that you are turning your head to look at him/her, just as if you were in a room together. The acoustics are fine-tuned so as close as possible, it seems like you are talking to someone in the same room. As you might imagine, these rooms are in high demand and are often used for executive meetings.

Now we come to the part where I almost face-planted my career. I was scheduled to have a meeting with our international lawyers on a sensitive topic so I scheduled a meeting in one of these dedicated video conferencing rooms. I arrived early to prepare and no surprise, there was a previous meeting in session. I waited until a few minutes before our meeting was supposed to start and popped my head in to let the people know that we were waiting. Cue courteous nods and half-smiles - so far so good. Five more minutes passed, then close to ten. I could feel my patience wearing thin.

I'm glad I was feeling like my best self that day (must have had a good breakfast) because I resisted the urge to make a big stink about this APPARENT room squatting. After what seemed like an eternity, but in reality was probably no more than ten minutes, the group exits and I come face to face with a Board level muckety-muck. Brief salutations, handshakes, we head into the room and have our meeting with the lawyers and everything is copacetic.

One mistake I often catch myself making is being overly confident in my understanding of other people's motivations. For example, if someone is giving me a hard time, it might be squarely based on what I did. However, it could also be based on some baggage from another interaction that didn't go their way. It's important your thinking and any reactions are based on actual knowledge and not assumptions. To me, this is a key to harmonious relationships and without it, it's like trying to open a lock with the wrong key. It just doesn't work.

That day I was convinced that the meeting squatters at best had poor time management and at worst, were just self-important and inconsiderate. As it turns out, they were NEITHER. After our meeting concluded, I noticed something odd. The time on the video conferencing screen was different than the time on my watch. In fact, it was about ten minutes SLOWER than the correct time! So anyone using the time on the video screen would assume they had ten more minutes till their meeting ended when in fact they had already ran over. I contacted the IT folks and they fixed this, but I wonder how much frustration and unnecessary angst this simple disconnect had caused. The good news is that this event reinforced for me that you should be careful how you impute the motivation of others. Sometimes you are just projecting your own personality or insecurities. Sometimes people are having a bad, bad day.

And sometimes people are just hangry.

The EZPZ morale of this story is be slow to judge, quick to eat, and whatever you do, don't trust conference room clocks.  

Next post next Saturday, 6:30 a.m.
    

Rough week?

They say videos of cute puppies or kittens helps and I totally believe this. Smiling and laughter are very effective, too.

As for me, a funny commercial always puts a smile on my face. Hope this gives you a smile and a laugh, all in under 60 seconds.

Next post next Saturday, 6:30 a.m.

You're here again. Another lunch or social event with a coworker you like, respect and maybe even rely upon, but with whom you have zero conversational chemistry. It might be your boss, a person who works for you, or a fellow team member. There are typically two flavors. The first is the "unintentional silent treatment." It's so quiet at the table you hear yourself chewing and not much else. Awkward glances here and there and you wish for a time machine or a remote control that could speed up the meal. The second is the "one-way street." One of you is doing all the talking and the other is giving nothing back. It's like playing tennis where the ball only goes over the net once so it's impossible to get a good point going.

If you ever find yourself in this situation, there are 3 EZPZ types of questions that you can use to spark a good conversation. These are universally appealing questions because they share 3 traits: 1) they allow the person to talk about themselves; 2) they are easily answered; and 3) they tap into feelings and not just facts.

1. God questions. The ability to make things happen. Ever since we discovered this ability as small children, it has added to our sense of achievement and confidence. Of course, we also quickly learn the limits of our influence. But what if we had unlimited power? What would we do? What could we do? Tap into that fantastic world by asking the following questions.

What is the one thing you'd like to change about _____? This place, your job, your partner, your boss, etc. If you could be anywhere else right now, where would it be?

2. Story questions. Stories naturally tap into our imagination and take us on a journey. When you invite someone to be the hero of their own story, the tale is automatically more interesting than a factual account. As the story unfolds, explore the settings involved. Identify other heroes and villains. Pay special attention to obstacles and how they are overcome. Here are a few sample questions to get started.    

What brings you here? When did you know you wanted to ______? Why did you decide to ______? How did you survive _____? Who were the people who helped you _____? Where on earth you find ______?

3. Maverick questions. Merriam-Webster defines a "maverick" as a person who refuses to follow the customs or rules of a group. Everyone, some more regularly than others, likes to think about breaking the rules. It's part of the balance of human nature between going along to get along vs. maintaining autonomy and individuality. Use the following to tap into the little devil on everyone's shoulder.

Just between you and me, what is the problem with _____? Have you ever had the urge to _____? If you could get away with it, ______?

Good luck! And if all else fails, you can always go with, "Talk to me, Goose!"

Next post next Saturday, 6:30 a.m.