Have you ever had a bright idea that you thought would change everything for you? Maybe you even got off to a good start and saw some initial results. However, in the end, it was not sustainable or rather, you were not able to keep it up and it ended up on the trash heap of bright ideas that didn’t stick.

A little while ago I had such a bright idea for managing my stress levels. I think it’s important to write about our successes as well as our failures so wanted to share this with you. I had noticed that on days when I was stressed out, I could seemingly go hours without taking a deep breath or appreciating the good things I had in life. So I tried setting calendar reminders every 2 hours to prompt me to walk around for a few minutes or if that was not practical, at a bare minimum to take some deep breaths.

This lasted a little less than a week before I scrapped the idea. So what happened and why do I think this failed?

1. It felt like another commitment. Sure, it was a good commitment to myself, but it felt like it added to my burden instead of relieving it.

2. It felt like another task. There was no joy or sense of reward in it, before during or after.

3. It felt clumsy. It just didn’t work well with the flow of my life.

Don’t get me wrong, I think there may be something in here that works, but this particular incarnation didn’t.

If you have a process or technique that seems to work for you, I would love to hear about it. Just let me know in the comments.

To change your problems, change your values!

I don’t mean abandon your values. I don’t mean accept other people’s values. I mean reconsider what it is that you actually need and what values truly matter.

So if your value is you want your kid to get into a top school and your kid is not motivated, you have a big problem. Let’s assume this is not going to improve so this will be a problem that takes a lot of your time and energy and stresses you out. You care and that’s why it hurts so much.

But what if there was a different path?

Let’s take a look at changing that your values. Instead of valuing your kid getting into a good school, what if you changed your value to “I want my kid to live the best version of their life they can and I want to help them get a strong start.” Now with this new value, getting into a top school is no longer the only solution. There are countless other ways your kid can have a fulfilling life and countless other ways you can support them in this regard. Now you may have a better and different problem, like how do I help them discover their inner motivation and drive? Or how do I help them figure out how to transition best into adulthood and become a contributing member of society. Or how do I help them get into the best school for them that will prepare them for what is to come?

Notice how being stuck on a single value can be what creates the problems for you?

Again, to change your problems, change your values!

Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. Names, places and events are either the products of the author’s neurotic imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental. That is, unless you find the main character to be wise, charming and likable. In that case, it's definitely me.

Journal entry: December 24

You know what I realized today? There is a huge difference between "getting a job" and "making money."

If you only know how to "make money" by "getting a job," you can feel like you are trapped in a box with very few other options.

Me, I always liked the security of a box. And if I'm honest with myself, given the chance...today, I would probably scramble right back into a box. It gives me borders. It gives me predictability. It serenades me…

"Don't worry . . . about a thing,

'Cause every little thing gonna be all right"

There I was, building a great life for myself. A life in part, made possible by the box. I had my family and health, lived in a great neighborhood, did interesting work, and could even afford some of the nicer things in life.

Until one day . . . I got inauspiciously chucked out of the box.

And to get a little meta for a moment, I'm escorted out of the box by Security with years of accumulated personal belongings stuffed into a box. How’s that for Christmas present? I’m told he rest to be shipped to me later. Free shipping, or course. They wouldn't be THAT cruel!

And guess what?

It's not that easy for me to get back into my box or any other box.

Why not?

O let me count the reasons!

1) My salary no longer fits reasonably inside the box

2) I’ve outgrown the box professionally and don’t really fix inside it anymore

3) I've never paid attention to what was outside the box so I am clueless about what other boxes really want

3) I've never had to fight, climb or sneak into another box so I'm terrible at it

4) Unbeknownst to me, my box was an endangered species and there just aren't that many other boxes like it out there

5) The process of getting accepted into a box is like preparing for the Olympics. Qualifier after qualifier and you can knocked out at any point. I hope it doesn't take 4 years!

So what's the lesson for today?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not anti-box. I'm pro-options. I'm pro-awareness. And starting today, I'm PROACTIVE so I wrote the manifesto below as a reminder to myself.

Don't Get Boxed Manifesto

1. Starting today, I'll learn how to earn a living with or without a box.

2. If I ever go back into a box, I will make it a priority to pop my head out on a regular basis so I know what is going on.

3. I'll keep all my skills sharp and be open to opportunities to make money outside of the box.

4. If I start to outgrow the box, I will not allow myself to get trapped in the box by my own fears, inertia or lack of imagination.

Do you feel like you are trapped in a box? Have you every been chucked out of perfectly good box? How did you respond? Let me know. I’d love to hear from you…