Have you ever met someone who seemed to make up their own rules as they go along and you despised them for it? Maybe you were told no one could be promoted without x degree or before y years and you took this as gospel and along comes Mr. or Ms. Special and they get promoted without x degree and way before y years! Perhaps in other areas too they seem to be maddeningly effective, as if there was one set of rules for them, and another for everyone else, including yourself. And the thing that burns you up the most, is they are not unethical or undeserving - they just seem to be able to navigate better than everyone else.

When this happens, it can be easy for us to fall into the fairness trap and bemoan the special treatment that the Special is getting. We can even take it a step further and make it personal and start to despise everything about the Special. The problem with this approach is it makes you lose twice. First, you lose out when the Special got what you wanted. And second, you lose out because when you see the Special in a negative light, it makes it impossible to learn from them.

James Altucher put this best in his book, Choose Yourself, when he said,

"If you are envious, then you will distance yourself from success and make it that much harder to get there."

Choose Yourself!

By James Altucher

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So what do you do instead? As much as it burns you inside, offer to take the Special out for lunch or coffee/tea. Get to know them. Try to understand and learn from them what it is that makes them so effective at getting what you want before you get it. In other words, what makes them Special. If you do this with humility and admiration, you may be surprised at how open and willing to share they are. You may find that the Special is not the jerk or diva that you thought they were when your perception was colored by your envy-tinted classes. And who knows, you may even make a friend or an ally for your own career advancement.

If you do this, let me know how it goes in the comments below.

Ask any leader about the ingredients needed for success and except for a few narcissistic fools, they will all include good mentors as part of the recipe. If you meet a leader who says they didn't have or need any mentors, you should run away as fast as you can.

It seems like at almost every training or conference I attend these days, the topic of mentoring comes up. Specifically, there is a lot of interest and consternation around how to get a mentor, considering a lot of the best mentors are very busy and are probably already mentoring several people.

An unfortunate reality of life is when we have a lot of uncertainty about how to go about something, we tend to put it off and in the end, do nothing about it. Also, no one like rejection so asking someone you admire to be your mentor only to be told “No,” can be one of those confidence-shattering moments. Don’t break into a cold-sweat just yet, though, because there is a foolproof tactic to getting a mentor.

Instead of rolling up on your target mentor like an army, with your tanks and infantry and air support and dropping the big bomb of a question, “Will you be my mentor?” go for a lower-key approach.

I like to call this Guerilla mentoring. To get good mentoring, you don’t need a contract written in blood and a life-long relationship. Sometimes, even just a short conversation for them can be a game-changer for you. So with that in mind, take the pressure off. Don’t even mention the world “mentor.” Instead, ask a question that they can answer simply, but will make a world of difference for you. You can choose your own questions, but here are a few examples to get you started.

What would you say are some of the key decisions you made in your career?

What do you know now that you wished you known when you were my age?

What book could you recommend that had a big impact on your leadership?

Great Leaders Grow: Becoming a Leader for Life

By Ken Blanchard, Mark Miller

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If these questions seem familiar it may be because they were adapted from Great Leaders Grow: Becoming a Leader for Life, by Ken Blanchard and Mark Miller.

So the next time you have you’re eye on a mentor, fear not. Ask them a simple question and get much needed mentoring without all the awkwardness of asking someone to prom. Do this enough times and surprise, you will have a mentor without having ever formally asked for them to be your mentor. Just do it. Guerilla style.

Let me know how it goes in the comments below!

Has your heart every felt so full you thought it would burst from the pressure? Perhaps you were thinking of a loved one - a child or parent, cherished friend, or a beloved pet. Maybe you reached a point in life where all arrows were pointing in the right direction - the state of your family, friends, or work being better than you could have ever imagined. You were feeling a sense of deep connection and alignment. A sense of being small, but at the same time connected to others and to the infinite, dare I say spiritual realm of endless possibilities. This is the power of connection and the world needs more of this.

Connection requires vulnerability - the courage to share your true self with no guarantees how this sharing will be received. Applause? Contempt? Perhaps worst of all, utter disregard?

When was the last time your heart felt so full? Please share. I'll go first…

Maybe it was the Shake Shack, the fact that my back was feeling better, or the wonderful weekend spent doing ordinary things with my family. Maybe it was some combination of the above. That Spring evening as I tucked in my son and saw the peaceful smile on his face, felt the toastiness of the sheets, a feeling of overwhelming connection and love welled up inside my heart. Life doesn’t get much better than this.