It’s that time of the year again. Everyone has to pick a side. I’m not talking about Trump or Biden, Coke or Pepsi, or Samsung or Apple. I’m talking about whether to make a New Year’s resolution or not. I’m talking about making a promise to yourself that may hold the key to having a great year, but also, if past performance is any indicator of future results, will not survive past 2 to 3 weeks.

To resolve or not resolve - that is the question.

You don’t need to go very far to find tons of articles on how to keep your New Year’s resolution. This is not one of them.

There is only one resolution you need to make this year and in any following year. It’s best to renew it every year so you will stay on course. It applies to everyone regardless of nationality, religion, or gender. It has no age limits and no minimum skill requirements. It’s so simple and so powerful, yet it will never make a Top 10 list of New Year’s resolutions alongside “lose weight,” “stop (insert bad habit),” or “call my mom more.”

The hands-down, all-time, best New Year’s resolution is:

“I choose to be who I am meant to be.”

Allow me to explain. It’s not about picking a vocation - accountant, construction worker, or musician. It’s not about fulfilling a role - partner or spouse, parent, or CEO. It’s not something that can be measured in dollars, likes, or awards.

It’s about choosing to be the person you were meant to be so you can make your best impact in this world. Each one of us has something special inside that is ready to be fulfilled, but only if we choose to embrace it.

Perhaps you’re not convinced there is more for you or you worry the barriers are too much. I don’t know your situation, so I won’t presume to tell you what you should or should not think. What I will share is regardless of where you find yourself right now, you have everything you need already to achieve your fullest potential.

Think of an acorn. Every acorn has the potential to grow into a great oak tree. It doesn’t need to buy anything or change anything about itself. Similarly, you already have everything you need inside you to fulfill your full potential. You don’t need to buy a course or a product, and you certainly don’t have to change who you really are. You are the acorn. You are also the oak.

I will make one concession. Like the acorn, you cannot grow in isolation. You cannot defy the laws of nature or reality. You must be in the world and interact with the world. You need the right conditions to thrive and grow.

However, for most of us, how we connect with the world is not the real barrier. The real thing stopping most of us is we have not made the choice to be who were were meant to be.

Instead, we move along and take the obvious things, the expected things, or the shiny things. These can all be satisfying in their own way, but let's be clear - these are detours from what you are supposed to be. The great thing about a detour is it doesn't mean all is lost. It's just a different path to the same place.

But you have to choose your final destination in order to have a chance of getting there. You may arrive tomorrow, in a year, or you may not fully arrive before your time is up. However, you will have been on the right journey and enjoyed getting closer to your destination by choosing to be who you were meant to be. You will do more of the things that matter to yourself, to others, and the world. What exactly you do and how you do it may take various forms and can change over the years, but you will always recognize it because it energizes you.

So whether you make a standard New Year's resolution or not this year, join me in making the only one that really matters:

“I choose to be who I am meant to be.”

“Be who you were created to be, and you will set the world on fire.”

—St. Catherine of Sienna

Joe Kwon, the Connection Counselor is a leadership coach and keynote speaker who helps elevate careers by unlocking the ability to better connect with yourself and others. Contact him if you'd like his help.

To find out more and to access his podcasts, EZPZ blog and free leadership guides, go to www.connectioncounselor.com.

To learn more about Executive Presence, check out the Connection Counselor’s YouTube series, the Executive Presence Spotlight here.

Maybe I’m just slow, but every once in a while I come across an idea that changes everything for me and I wished I had realized a lot earlier.

This is not a comprehensive list, but here are my TOP 10 from the year 2018 (in no particular order):

1. Ideas have an expiration date and you can wait too long to act on them.

2. You must commit to deserving money to attract it to you.

3. Lack of forgiveness can mess up your life in a subtle, but powerful way.

4. You have to welcome your Imposter Syndrome and get to know it to overcome its hold on you.

5. Today, not tomorrow, you need a side hustle.

6. With great success comes an even greater need to keep your ego in check or your success will be hollow.

7. You are a worse person (e.g., husband, parent, employee, friend) than you realize because it's difficult to see ourselves clearly and you will rarely be told the truth. And when you are, you probably won't be listening. In the rare instances you do listen, it will hurt a lot, but you will grow and become a better person.

8. The pressure we feel to do something or not is not driven by logic, but rather our warring internal programs that seek to avoid pain.

9. The best way to stop doing something is not to stop doing it, but rather to do something else.

10. A good maxim for dealing with managing people, mechanical repairs, and lots of other areas is: “As soft as possible, as firm as it takes.”

Your Move: What lessons do you wish you had learned earlier in life?

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January. 

Not the name of the actress who played Betty Draper on Mad Men, but the month. A natural time for self-reflection and taking stock of your life.

As you try to focus on where you came from and where you'd like to go, a funny thing happens. Other people keep popping into your head. And try as you might, you can't help but compare your life to theirs.  

Who could blame you? Compared to past generations, the village of your awareness has grown exponentially. Whether it's the news, the grapevine, Facebook or Instagram, you are bombarded with evidence of people having a MUCH better life than you. Sure, some of it is window dressing, but that's not the problem. You just can't understand how people who are not as [pick an adjective] attractive, smart, hard-working, spiritual, or educated as you are doing so well. Sure, the unfairness stings, but the part that really vexes you is not knowing "how is this even possible?"

Putting to the side that going through life comparing yourself to others is a recipe for disappointment souffle, there is a simple explanation. And in this explanation lies the key for making 2018 your best year yet.

LIMITS

All of us have our limits. I will never be taller, smarter, or escape the dire need for Auto-Tune. At a Karaoke bar I once had a dear friend gently, but earnestly ask me to stop singing their favorite song. Ouch! We all have certain limitations that we should acknowledge.  

These personal characteristics limit what we can realistically accomplish in life. However, there is one crucial exception to this rule. 

If you are at the right spot at the right time, there are no limits.

"That makes no sense, Joe. Either we have limits or we don't! How late did you stay up on New Year's Eve, anyway?"

Allow me to explain. 

Most of the time, our limitations do what they are defined to do - limit us. But every once in a while, we catch a break that helps us to go beyond what would normally be possible under our own power. These opportunities are not subject to our timing or control. These opportunities may be dependent on someone else's involvement. If this is starting to sound like I'm talking about luck, it's because I am or at least its classier cousin, Serendipity.

Serendipity is defined as "the phenomenon of finding valuable or agreeable things not sought for."  

When you come across a serendipitous moment, it can change EVERYTHING.

• Randomly strike up a conversation with your future boss on a plane.
• Help fix a flat tire for the cop who pulls you over the next day.
• Had a bad hair day when the casting agent picks you for your frizzy hair.

"So...let me get this straight, Joe. You're telling me people who exceed their limitations are benefiting from serendipity? If that's your plan, it stinks."

Not exactly. What I'm saying is the key to exceeding your limits is to make the most of serendipity by:

1) creating opportunities for it to occur

2) being aware when it arrives; and

3) acting on it.

Let's explore these in turn.

Step 1. Create Opportunities for Serendipity

When you are stuck in a rut, sometimes the most obvious solution is the best one. Get moving!

"Why this would help?"

Think about Bingo. The rustle of the balls bouncing off each other as you turn the crank is pleasing and rush of anticipation leading up to, "Bingo!" is not to be underestimated. Now imagine you are ball B1. And the person who can help you is G60. 

The more you turn the crank the more opportunities there will be for B1 to meet G60. So move around and meet different people.

• It might be in the break room.
• It might be at the park.
• It might even be in line at the grocery store.

In a similar fashion G60 might be the breakthrough you need. Try changing up what you are doing or your environment. 

• Ever find the solution as you are telling someone the problem?
• Ever been driving when the solution pops into you head? Please keep your hands on the wheel.
• Ever notice how changing your position, lighting or music can knock something loose?

So to invite serendipity into your life, get moving. Meet other people. Change the scenery. Anything to get your thinking and emotions moving in a different way. This creates more opportunities for you to stumble onto fortunate situations. The best part is making this change is entirely within your control. 

Advanced tip: Make moving a habit or plan it into your day.

Step 2. Recognize Serendipity

You know that movie scene where the answer, love interest, or escape is right within grasp of the character, but they JUST DON'T SEE IT? Remember the feeling and the collective scream of frustration from the audience? I'm sorry to inform you that sometimes WE are that character.

There is no value in unrecognized serendipity. 

"That all sounds great, but what can I do to ensure I don't miss out?"

I'm tempted to say "be more aware," but that's too general to be helpful. And you can breathe a sigh of relief as I'm not going to launch into a sermon on the benefits of meditation or tell you to be more "in the moment."  

What you can do is practice creative divergence, which is the ability to explore, and sometimes take, alternative paths spurred by chance encounters, many of which challenge our current thinking.

A blind adherence to convention is an allergic reaction to uncertainty and both are arch rivals of creativity.

"So what can I do?"

To maximize your ability to know when "it" is right in front of you must combat the two chief enemies of creativity: uncertainty and insecurity. When we are not feeling sure of an outcome and are stressed about it, our tendency is to close our minds, revert to an existing pattern, and refuse to acknowledge any alternatives. It's like putting a blindfold on ourselves.  

In contrast, when we are confident and secure our minds are more open. Now I can't tell you how to magically overcome uncertainty and insecurity. However, what helps is to recognize the effect this has on your thinking and to remind yourself to keep an open mind and not be too quick to dismiss alternatives. This allows your creativity to flow and to notice potentially beneficial options. 

"So now we know how to create the conditions for more opportunities and how to better notice them. What's left?"

Step 3. Take the Plunge

Imagine your next level life is on the other side of a dangerous river. As you are pondering what you are pondering, lightning strikes and a tree falls across the river, creating a makeshift bridge. Let's be clear, you are not a lumberjack and had nothing to do with this. 

If you slip off the tree while crossing, things may end badly. Maybe you catch yourself or are able to grab onto something and save yourself. Or maybe you plunge into the river and are swept downstream. The point is you have to take a leap of faith and walk across the bridge to reach that next level. This involves moving out of your comfort zone (and I love being comfortable just as much as the next guy/gal) and braving the risks of failure. If you don't act, you will be safer, but you will be stuck where you are.

Make 2018 the best year possible. Don't waste time comparing yourself to others. Instead, make the most of your own potential by being in the right spot at the right time. Exceed your normal limits by courting, recognizing, and acting on the opportunities that life sends your way.

P.S. 

Much of this post was inspired and informed by "Get Lucky: How to Put Planned Serendipity to Work for You and Your Business," by Thor Muller and Lane Becker.

The authors do a great job of explaining 8 skills that help make "planned serendipity" work for you and your organization. The stories and examples are engaging and informative. Worth a read.

I stumbled across the book while taking a random walk at work. I didn't plan on writing about it, but it serendipitously wove itself into the fabric of this article, which I hope you enjoyed. Serendipity in action!

If you have examples of when Serendipity made a difference in your life, I'd love to hear about it!